ronika mcclain

beauty of the week is an in-process exploration into what it means to be seen. i draw from my own experience of homophobia, shame, trauma and history to create a complex experience of looking. for me, linear time (past, present, future) is flattened within the queer experience and, simultaneously within experiences of trauma. in researching this piece, i was initially inspired to access this part of my history by looking through a friend’s collection of the historic black american magazine, jet. within each jet lies a classic pin-up of a woman, called “the beauty of the week”. included is one short paragraph about who she is. we receive no other information about her. she is an open object of lust while her identity is completely obfuscated - leaving a perfect entryway for the looker to attach their own meaning, and more specifically desire, to her. i related to them because, as a queer femme person i present myself as sexualized, feminine and desirable, but i only grant access to myself to those who see me fully, or rather, see the signals i am projecting. therefore, i saw the “beauties” as a metaphor of exploring queer femme identity, my own struggles with sex and trauma, as well as the idea of black womanhood as it exists historically within my body and lineage. i use performance, sound, found material, and photography to explore and point to all the different facets of this identity, what the history of it is and what it means for me to assume it now.

This project compelled me to interview my black father, a man who has undoubtedly shaped the way that I present and am seen as a woman. It occurred to me that I am the manifestation of the women he wronged in his life, but also am his mirror. beauty of the week is partially an homage to the women that came before me, but also, an exploration of the woman that i have been imagined to be: a slut, a freak, an object of desire, a rebel, an outsider, abject, sexy, horrifying, uncontrollable and untamed. i am continually situating myself within all contexts of my past present and future, and who my daddy is, and which daddy i am looking for.